When Reality is Relative
by OhMyWord
Summary: If all the right choices led you to this moment, what would happen if you made a wrong one?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: No pictures for this one, but I had the same city/downtown in mind while writing it.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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One

_September 24__th__, 2008_

"Edward?"

He looked up and whipped off his reading glasses, but in his zeal he flung them across his desk and onto the floor. He pushed back his chair and kneeled down at the side of his desk to pick them up. Still looking down at the floor, he cleared his throat, "Bella, uh, hi, what are you doing here?" _Brilliant._ Edward stood up and watched her enter the large stadium style lecture hall, setting his glasses on the desk; he kept one hand on them, fiddling with an ear piece. As she moved closer he backed up, the backs of his legs coming into contact with his chair, as if being too close to her might make him burst into flame.

"Well, ok, here's the thing. Well, the thing is," she smiled, her cheeks reddening slightly. "I finished it," she beamed at him; it took him a second to come out of his daze enough to understand what she meant.

"Your book?" _What else would she be talking about?_ "Congratulations! I'm so proud of you, Bella, really," Edward leaned forward slightly, smiling at her.

"Well, I was hoping," she pulled a jump drive out of her book bag, "that maybe you could take a look at it, tell me what you think?" Bella handed it to him, it was small enough that their fingers brushed during the exchange and Edward pulled back quickly. _Stupid._

He laughed to himself under his breath. "I remember writing on paper, with a pen, when I was an undergrad. I even had a typewriter for a while," he grinned crookedly at her.

"You aren't that much older than I am," she said wryly.

"It feels like it when people call me Professor Cullen all day."

"That's because you teach freshman English, they're used to having to call their teachers that. But if you insist on feeling that way, I can help, Professor Cullen." She chuckled to herself.

Edward opened his mouth partway, '_Professor Cullen', sit down before she notices. _He plopped himself into his chair and Bella raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, that's ok. I'd be happy to read it. I'm not going to be here tomorrow, so if you want," _what are you doing?_, "you can come over to my place tomorrow evening and we can do it together - read it together – I mean, go over it…together, I…" _Stop talking._ He looked down at her jump drive.

"Sure," she smiled. They both turned as people began to trickle into the room. It was late September and the students still had 'I'm too cool', yet somewhat lost looks on their faces. "I should go, I'll see you tomorrow, Professor," she bit her lip and Edward really wished he was alone after she walked out of the classroom. After a long mental moan, he stood up and got on with class.

Later that day, Edward was sitting in his office, actually it was basically a cubicle, the graduate students on the teaching staff didn't get their own offices. He opened up his work e-mail and saw one from Bella.

_Hey, I just realized I don't have your address. Have a good rest of your day!_

Edward sent her a reply. They had known each for two years, but only through the university. He had just started working on his graduate degree in English and Bella was working part time in the English department. He spent the first few months coming up with excuses to talk to her. _Um, do you have scissors I can borrow? _She started putting candy in a jar on her desk and it was easier to come up and talk to her. _I have a sweet tooth, can't resist chocolate._ Well, he couldn't resist something.

Once he finally got the nerve to start talking to her for real, he learned that she was an undergraduate, studying creative writing, and she had just started working on a book. She had taken a year off from school the year before to figure out what she wanted to do. She really wasn't that much younger than he was, four years. The real problem was that Edward had no idea what he was doing. _Well, you're doing something now. _Sometimes he got the feeling that Bella might have feelings for him as well, but when the thought came to him he tended to brush it off as wishful thinking.

He packed up his things around 5:30 and headed to his apartment. It was small, but it had a view of the park and high ceilings, plus it was rent controlled. Inside, he set his things down and changed his clothes. Padding back to the living room on the dark wood floor, he layed down on the couch with his laptop resting on his stomach. He plugged in Bella's jump drive and opened the file with her book, _Grace_.

_Are you still considered soul mates if the other person doesn't seem to know you exist?_

The first line jumped out at Edward and he leaned up, adjusting his reading glasses. He read for the rest of the night, finishing some time around morning. Moving his now plugged in computer, which ran out of juice way before Edward, he got up and went into his bedroom. He lay on top of the covers on his back, running his hands through his hair. The book was brilliant. Mostly, it was about being afraid of living, which was a frighteningly accurate way to describe Edward.

All day, Edward was jittery like he'd had one too many cups of coffee. He'd only actually had two, ok three. He cleaned up his apartment, but that didn't take long, he wasn't that messy. He took a jog around the park, did some work on his thesis, made a fourth cup of coffee, and by 7:00, he was walking around his kitchen trying to decide if he should make Bella dinner. She was due to come over around 7:30. _That's dinner time, isn't it? Crap, I don't know what she likes besides peanut butter cups. _He decided against dinner until she got there, he'd just ask her if she was hungry.

It was 7:30.

It was 8:00.

9:00.

Bella didn't have a cell phone and Edward didn't have her home number. He sat in his kitchen on one of the two stools that sat beside the island. He had his laptop open and he was logged into his e-mail. He hit refresh again, nothing.

10:00.

10:30.

11:00.

12:00.

He didn't know any of Bella's friends, let alone have a number for any of them.

12:30.

It was only Thursday night and Edward had to go to work in the morning. He closed the lid of his laptop and went to his bedroom. Absently, he wondered if Bella would be at work the next day.

_September 26__th__, 2008_

He was at work by 7:30 the next morning. He had an 8 o'clock meeting with his advisor and he had decided to force himself to go by Bella's desk first. Her office was in a suite of offices which basically meant that she was in the reception area and three other offices plus a mail room was branched out from hers. He peaked in the window of the outer door and saw that she wasn't there. Walking in anyway, he checked the small mail room, she wasn't there either. His irritation about being stood up was slowly being replaced by worry. In truth though, he wasn't even sure what time she was due into the office. Edward decided to go to his meeting and then check back, she was bound to be there by then.

The meeting took just under an hour. They discussed a lot of things that Edward forgot as soon as they were said. When it was over, he tried to keep a casual pace as he went back to Bella's office. He stopped outside the door, looking in. She still wasn't there, but there were three people standing near her desk, serious expressions on their faces. It made Edward's heart beat faster even though he couldn't name why.

The chair of the English department, an admin assistant, and one of the program coordinators all turned to look at Edward when he walked in. They all had their arms crossed, which suddenly struck Edward as funny; he didn't laugh. They looked aged, stress creasing their features. "Hi…is there something wrong?"

The chair of the department sighed and moved to the front of the group, closer to Edward. "Ok, we'd like you to keep this to yourself for the time being. We're trying to figure out the best way to handle telling everyone," he paused. Edward stood still, afraid that if he did anything, Christopher would decide not to tell him what was going on. "There's been an accident, from what we know, Bella Swan was on her way somewhere on foot last night and she was hit by a car. The man driving was drunk, he's –"

"Is she ok? What hospital is she at?" He tried to let Christopher finish, but he couldn't keep his questions down. His body had turned cold, he felt faintly ill.

"She's not at any hospital."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, they mean a lot.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Two

_September 28__th__, 2008_

The services were Sunday morning, closed casket. Edward stood in the back. It rained all day. At the cemetery, the women's heels stuck in the soil. Dirt ringed the bottoms of his trousers, caked his shoes. A huge spray of white roses sat on top of the casket. _She liked lilies the best. Pale pink stargazer lilies. _Edward held one in his hand; it was the one bit of personal information he was privy to. He listened to everyone speak, watched the procession, then people hugging, talking, leaving. He couldn't go through the line, put his flower under the ground too. He backed off after everyone left, watched them lower her into the ground, cover her up, break down the chairs, take everything away. Walking closer after the cemetery emptied, he stood next to the headstone.

_Beloved Daughter And Friend_

He put his flower on it; the lily was crumpled in places from being held all morning.

"A friend?" Edward turned toward the voice. A slim, older woman stood directly behind him, he must not have heard her footsteps over the sound of the rain. He looked her in the eyes, her expression said she already knew the answer to her question. She looked to be in her sixties, her silver hair hanging in waves to her shoulders. She wore a light blue trench coat and carried a white umbrella.

"Yes, you could say that," he hesitated, not sure if he could turn back around or not. He was positive he hadn't seen her during the funeral.

"If all the _right _choices led you to _this _moment, what would happen if you made a wrong one?" She spoke quietly, thoughtfully. "A different one?"

Edward looked at her, perplexed. "I don't mean to be rude, but I'd really like to be alone right now." She touched his hand and he looked down.

"You've never thought about that? What would happen if you skipped the part where you're scared? Where excuses get in the way?" She paused, like she was considering something. "Things will look different in the morning," she said with sympathy. She nodded a goodbye and walked toward a car parked on the path.

Edward stared at the ceiling, glanced at his clock, 2:30a.m. He sighed and tried to blank out his mind, but all he could see was her face. During the services, Edward realized he'd barely known her really. He'd read her book, knew about her school plans, possible career plans, that she preferred hot chocolate over almost anything, especially when it was rainy, but that was all. There was no reason he should be like this. His heart was broken, the pieces sending stabbing pains into his lungs, stomach. The sheets looked like twisted hands, dragging him downward. When he finally fell asleep, he dreamed of somebody pulling him away, out of his life and into the ether.

_September 29__th__, 2008_

Edward's alarm went off at 6 a.m. He groaned and turned it off; the English department had decided to make today's work day optional and Edward couldn't bear to walk past Bella's empty desk.

By 7:00, he'd gotten out of bed. He couldn't decide which was worse, laying in bed and seeing her face or going to work and not seeing it. He showered, dressed, and set out to the university. It took him twenty minutes to find a parking space and even then he'd still had to walk another ten just to get to his building. He ran a hand through his hair, which was always a little messy, but today it was disheveled even by Edward's standards. He took the elevator to the third floor of the building toward the large computer room that was for the graduate students. He had to pass Bella's office on the way, out of some strange masochistic need, he looked in; it was empty. Outside the door to the graduate student area, he saw his advisor walking in his direction down the hall. "Darrell," Edward was a little surprised to see him; he figured he'd be the only one around here today. "I didn't think you'd be in today."

Darrell tilted his head to the side, "why wouldn't I be?" He paused, taking in Edward's appearance. "Well, someone had a rough night last night. Entertaining company?" Darrell raised an eyebrow, a smile playing at his mouth.

Edward looked down at his clothes. He had on old jeans that used to be a dark wash, but had since faded, the hems ragged. He wore a grey t-shirt and well, he knew what his hair looked like. He'd also seen the dark circles under his eyes. "No, but…yesterday was, well, you know."

"Yesterday was what? Hey, aren't you late for class?" Darrell was beginning to look at him strangely.

"I don't have class until 11," he looked at his watch, almost a quarter after eight.

"You have English 335 at 8, don't you? It's less than a month in and you're forgetting already," Darrell chuckled. "I'll see you later." He left Edward feeling vaguely confused. Slowly, he walked toward Bella's office. A different girl was sitting behind the desk now; she had a name plate on her desk, Ashley.

"Um, excuse me? I have kind of a stupid question."

"Stupid questions are my specialty," the girl smiled at him brightly.

"I uh…forgot, well, do you happen to have a list of my classes?" He tried to make it sound less dumb, he wasn't sure he'd succeeded.

"Oh, sure," she tapped a few things onto the keyboard and the printer groaned to life, spitting out a single sheet of paper. She grabbed it and handed it to him. "That has everything, class name, when, where, all of that. Are things getting rough already?" She looked at him with compassion and he decided he liked this girl.

Edward faked a laugh, "yeah, you know how it can be. Thanks for this," he held up the paper. After he left the office he studied the list. He was due to teach a class at 8:10 a.m. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; he had another at 10:10 a.m. on the same days. _What the hell is going on?_ He had to get some air. He took the elevator down to the first floor and walked outside. He left campus, walked in the direction of downtown.

Edward found an empty outdoor table at a coffeehouse. He took his coffee and sat down with the sheet of paper still in his hand. It had his job title on it, _Assistant Professor. _He wasn't an assistant professor; he was staff and that was a faculty position. He hadn't even gotten his graduate degree yet. It had a room number on it, his office that he didn't have. Setting the paper down, he looked up in the direction of the bookstore across the street. There was a sign in the window for a book signing that was happening later that afternoon; _Bella Swan._

It took a moment for it to sink in, he read it again, it was like some cruel cosmic joke. The old woman from the cemetery flashed into his memory. _She was nobody, right?_ A woman walked past him with sunglasses on, as she passed his table she tripped on a chair leg; she caught herself by touching his shoulder. She blushed and let go, taking a step back. "Sorry, I'm something of a hazard. Thanks for the shoulder." Edward looked up as she turned to walk inside; she slipped off her sunglasses and went through the door.

_Bella._

Edward jumped up, not sure what he was going to do. He looked inside the glass doors to see if she was real. She stood in line, looking at her watch. He could still feel the heat of her hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, excuse me man," Edward spun around. A man stood there, eyeing Edward curiously. Edward mumbled an apology and stepped aside. Once alone again, he looked back inside, his heart racing. His mind couldn't focus, it spun out in all directions. All he could see was her. Bella.

The man walked up behind her, touched her arm. She turned and smiled, he leaned down and kissed her lightly on the mouth.

_Bella._


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thanks for all the kind responses and keep them coming :)

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Three

She was gone again before Edward could gather any sort of grasp of what was going on. He called Christopher, the chair, and called in sick for the rest of the week. He said he had the flu, that he was sorry if it was going to inconvenience anyone. Christopher said something about disappointing the female student population, which made Edward curious, but not enough to pursue it. After a second coffee, he went across the street to the bookstore, spending a minute staring at the signing poster. Inside the store, a stack of her books sat at a table; he ran his fingers over the cover. _Dreamed For Life._ He opened it up and read the first few lines; it was _Grace. _There were a few differences, but it was definitely _Grace._ He bought it and walked home, his car all but forgotten. He read the book on his couch, much the same as when he read it the first time. He spent some time staring at her photograph on the inside of the dust jacket. She looked almost exactly the same, but there was something different about her eyes, like a light switch had been turned off.

Around four, the clouds began to gather. Edward went back to campus to pick up his car and drove to the cemetery. Walking to the place where they buried her, he looked around, trying to find the woman in the light blue coat. There were no other people around except a mother and child, laying flowers on a large headstone. He kneeled down where Bella was supposed to be, read the engraved stone.

_Beloved Wife, Mother, And Friend_

_Barbara Poulsen_

_1959 – 2000_

He tried to wrap his mind around what was happening when he remembered the woman's words, a different choice? He mulled it over. Life didn't give second chances like this, things happened and then you dealt with it. _Bella's still alive._ His mind reached out to the notion that she wasn't supposed to die, that this was some strange process of re-writing the plot. Another thought occurred to him, _what if I've just gone crazy? What if this is my actual life and the other one was just a very vivid dream? What if this is a very vivid dream and that other life is the real one? _He felt the spinning out sensation again and stopped thinking about it.

The book signing was at 5:00; Edward made his way back downtown to see her again, running late. It was raining hard at this point and Edward was glad he had the foresight to grab the umbrella out of his car. There was a line out the door and he could just make out her form at a small table, all smiles, the light in her eyes back. It seemed to take forever, but it was actually only about fifteen minutes or so before he got his turn; there were no more people in line behind him. He stood just inside the door, listening to Bella make small talk with a woman trying to tell her a life story. The woman gushed to Bella about how the book changed her life and Bella blushed. Up close, she looked tired. He checked his watch, it was a little after six; she'd been signing her name again and again for over an hour. As he approached, she looked down at her glass of water, stretching her hands. Edward stood in front of her, setting something down on the table.

Bella looked up at him with curiosity, "you want me to sign this?"

"No, it's for you. It's raining out and I thought you might want something other than water," he motioned to the covered cup of hot chocolate. "I promise I didn't have any," he grinned a lopsided smile at her. She smiled back unconsciously and reached for the warm drink, she kept looking at him and didn't realize that she'd misjudged the distance to the cup, her hand hit it and the cup fell over, the lid popping off, spilling hot chocolate onto the floor and onto Edward's jeans. He hissed through his teeth and took an involuntary step back.

She gasped, "Oh! Jeez, I should come with a warning label, I swear," she stood up to find a towel. There was already a woman there with a stack of paper towels, soaking up the mess. "I can do that –"

"No, no, it's fine," the girl waved her away and Bella hesitated, then sat back down.

"You could have just said you didn't want it," Edward pressed a napkin into the front of his pants.

Bella didn't see that he was kidding and her face crumpled slightly, "no, I actually really did! I just tend to do things like that, especially when I'm uncomfortable." She opened her mouth slightly, like she was surprised by the admission.

His head shot up at that, "I make you uncomfortable?"

"Not you, this whole thing, the attention. I'm a writer, I work behind the scenes, you know?" She grinned half way. Bella looked at him then, head to the side. "I remember you – oh!" She put her head in her hand, "I almost fell right in front of you already once today, you must think I'm –"

"I think you're charming," Edward beamed at her, pleased with himself for the delivery of a halfway decent line, a line that happened to also be the truth. He watched her smile self consciously at him, the apples of her cheeks tinting pink.

"Well, thanks."

He took an internal deep breath and then tried to look her in the eyes, he had not forgotten about the man at the coffee place and so he was aiming for just smooth enough, but all he could come up with was, "so um, if you want I mean, if you're done here, we could get you another one." He smiled as a band-aid to cover his awkwardness.

"Oh," she looked into the faces of the people around her, whether looking for an ok or an excuse not to go, Edward couldn't tell. She paused, looking back at him strangely, "yes, we can do that. Just give me a few minutes here, alright?" Edward nodded and backed off, letting her finish up with her handlers. He browsed the books, stealing glances toward Bella. Every now and then he'd catch her looking in his direction; he'd grin sideways at her to make her smile. About fifteen minutes later, she put her coat on and met him in an aisle of the small store, "ok, let's go."

She didn't have an umbrella, so he shared his, grateful for an excuse to walk closer to her. He didn't have a coat, so his arms were covered in gooseflesh by the time they were across the street. Edward opened the door for her and closed his umbrella, the rain just barely sprinkling his shoulders by the time he got inside. He raised his eyebrows at her, "hot chocolate?" She nodded and he ordered for them both, hoping she'd think it was polite and not Edward being full of himself. They took their drinks and settled on a small sofa near the big bay window at the front of the shop. Bella looked out at the rain thoughtfully.

"Can I ask you something?" She waited for an ok and then continued, "did you read my book? Or is this just -"

"I read it, twice actually," Edward took a sip of his hot chocolate. He looked at her, measuring her reaction; she looked flattered. He went on then, telling her how he thought it was about the middles of society and how saying yes one time can change your life.

"I'm glad people are paying attention, I was afraid everyone would only see the love story," she drank her hot chocolate, lost in thought. When she came out of it, she saw that he was looking at her oddly; she thought she might have said something without realizing it. "Sorry, I was just – I don't know, the rain puts me in a mood, I guess."

"You don't like it?"

"It's not that, I like it when I'm writing. It just reminds me of something…I don't know." She peeked over her cup at him, "sorry, this is a little more melancholy than I'd planned."

"You say that a lot."

"What?"

"Sorry. You don't have to."

After that, the conversation came more easily. She told him she'd gone to college, but dropped out after a year, deciding she didn't want to write a book using a creative writing _formula_, she made a face when she said it. Edward was wary of giving her too many details on his life; he had no idea if his past was still his past in the same way. He told her what he found out this morning, that he had a master's in English and he taught at the university. He tried his best to steer the conversation toward romantic entanglements, but either he was bad at it or she didn't get the hint. After what felt like a few minutes, an employee came to tell them it was closing time. It was almost nine o'clock.

He walked her out and made sure she had a way home. "My car is right over there," she gestured behind her. "This was fun." She fiddled with her hands.

Edward smiled and walked her to her car, his hand barely touching the small of her back; it was still raining. Once she was between him and her car, she turned around. "Thanks, Edward. Um, can I see you tomorrow? I don't really know many people here and I'd like to take a look at the town," she smiled half way at him.

Edward beamed like a little kid at her, "sure. We can meet here if you want, or I could come get you." Her eyes brightened and she told him to meet her at the coffee shop around noon, they would have lunch and then he would show her around. Before she could get into her car, Edward gathered his courage and leaned down, brushing his lips against her cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Four

_September 30__th__, 2008_

Edward paced a hole into his living room floor; _ok, 11:30, close enough._ He had spent the night before unable to sleep, so he went through his apartment in an attempt to learn the differences between this life and the other. He learned that he had flown through college, graduating in three years and had just received his master's degree the previous spring. This was his first year as an assistant professor, he taught two 300 level courses. He looked for photographs, a journal, anything that would tell him more about himself; there wasn't anything. For a while, Edward had no idea why and then it struck him. _I have no life. It's not that I have no journal; it's that I have nothing to say._ He checked his private e-mail, which thankfully, had the address and password saved; there he saw an e-mail from his bank thanking him for his prompt credit card payment and another one for male enlargement.

He opened his work e-mail and found ten new messages.

_Hey, feel better soon. I got Darrell to cover your classes for the week; he says you owe him a beer, actually probably a case. See you next week._

_Christopher_

He checked another one.

_Hi Professor Cullen, or is it alright if I call you Edward? I've been having some trouble understanding Pynchon and I was hoping you were available for private tutoring. If you're up for it ____. _

_Jessica_

Edward went through the rest of his e-mails and most were a variation of the one from Jessica. He couldn't help but laugh at that; one girl even gave him her phone number. _Well, that's a switch. _He looked through his older e-mails, most were from colleagues, but sprinkled in were more propositions from students. Edward opened up his sent mail; he had replied to a few of the messages, but all were very professional. _At least I'm not a scumbag, just boring._

He parked his car on the street a few doors down from the coffee place. It was only about 11:40, but he watched for her anyway. It was a one of those perfect fall days, crisp with a light breeze, with sunlight that made the leaves blaze. There were a few clouds in the sky, but it just added to the picturesque feel of the day. He sat at the same table as the day before to wait for her. Edward tried not to think too much about the last few days, but he found himself looking for the woman with the blue coat, both hopeful and scared that he'd see her. _Please, just a little more time._

At 11:45, he saw Bella approach. Her hair was long past her shoulders and Edward found himself wondering if it was as soft as it looked. She wore slim, brown tweed trousers and a dark blue sweater; the sleeves went just past her elbows and set her skin off beautifully. She smiled when she saw him and he stood, trying not to look too eager. He examined his own appearance; he had on dark jeans and a cream fisherman's sweater, the sleeves pushed up on his forearms. Edward looked at Bella again; he hadn't realized it before, but she was little. He could easily rest his chin on top of her head if he wanted, which he did, want to that is.

He wanted to kiss her on the cheek again, actually he wanted to kiss her anywhere, but he got nervous and then the moment passed. "Hi, are you hungry?"

"Starved."

He took her down the street to a little diner that made the best milkshakes in the world; they sat at the counter and got cheeseburgers and shared some fries. Edward felt no less nervous than he had before, but conversation seemed to flow more easily between them. After a while he found himself relaxing; it was easy to pretend this was the way it had always been for them, it came as naturally as breathing.

Bella was laughing, her head tilted back. Edward wanted to freeze this moment and live in it forever, forget the rest of his strange, sad life; he just wanted her. He leaned forward to brush a loose strand of hair away from her face. She looked him in the eyes for a moment and then stiffened, "I should tell you, I have a boyfriend." Of course, he knew that already, but it made the news no less acute. He leaned back in his seat, trying to come up with the best way to play it off. However, he found that frequently when he did this it sounded good in his head, but when it came out it was floundering and awkward.

"That's alright, I wasn't trying to – I mean, I didn't expect that you would, you know, go…for me," he cursed himself mentally and ran a hand through his hair. He looked down at his mostly empty plate. "It's not what I'm looking for," he met her eyes, "I just wanted to know you." It was partially true.

She nodded at this and rested her chin in her hand thoughtfully; she was quiet. It was helpful that Edward was good at repressing urges, because watching her like that, all he wanted to do was grab her and take her away, where he could protect her and make the heartbreaking look in her eyes disappear. He cleared his throat, "so, is he in town with you?"

Bella looked at him grudgingly, knowing where this was headed. "Yeah, he isn't familiar with the city either, but he's less interested in seeing it."

"He should come out, we're friendly," he said, feigning casualness.

"Yeah well, the small town atmosphere isn't really his thing, I guess." She played with her napkin, folding it into smaller and smaller squares. She sighed, "I really like it here, I mean really. This is the last stop for my book before I head back home."

"Where is home?" He had a sinking feeling.

"New York."

"When are you going back?"

"Tomorrow."

He laughed quietly to himself, _because the boyfriend didn't make it difficult enough._ He stopped before she could question his reaction. Hopping off his stool, he put a hand on her shoulder, relishing in the contact, "then today needs to be really good." She smiled and offered to pay for the meal, he tried to refuse, but then caved and convinced her to just leave the tip instead. He touched her back while he led her out.

Edward was quiet on their way down the street; they'd agreed to walk off the lunch downtown.

_You have the rest of today and then she'll still be gone. She has her own life and it's not with you, maybe that's how it's supposed to be. You should let her go live her life, she seems happy enough. No, that's not right. Bella deserves more than 'happy enough', she should be delirious, ecstatic every day. _

_Am I supposed to be the one to make her that way? In this version of my life, whatever that means, we aren't together. In the other version, we aren't together. That must mean something. And what would happen if I tried to be with her? Is that who I am? Can I break up her relationship? Could I get her to stay here with me? Would she even want to? I don't even know if she has feelings for me, I've known her for two years; she's only known me for one day…and not even a whole day, really. _

_Stop thinking so much._

He stole a quick glance in her direction; she looked content which made Edward wonder if he had anything to do with that. She let out a happy sigh and he fought the desire to tell her he loved her, that he couldn't remember a time when he didn't.

_She's worth it._


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Five

_I love you, I adore you, and if you stay with me, you'll never want for anything. You –_

"So you live near here, right? Or was that a different park?" Bella sat, leaning her back on a wide tree trunk. Orange, red, and yellow leaves scattered, making her look even more vivid. She stretched her legs out in front of her, ankles crossed; she played with a red leaf that had fallen onto her lap. Edward faced her, sitting as close as he could without making her uncomfortable, leaning on his left hand.

"It's this park, I actually live right down the street," he gestured in front of him to the old brownstone buildings. She turned to where he'd pointed and regarded them closely, nodding as if she approved, she faced him.

"They seem really nice."

"I can bring you up there later if you want, I'll make you dinner," he said hopefully, _don't push your luck. _

Bella's cell phone rang, again. She was awfully popular; although Edward had a feeling it was the same caller over and over. She took out her phone and looked at the caller ID; she sighed and stood up. "I should take this." She answered it and took a step away. Edward could tell that she was trying to sound upbeat.

"Hey… I told you I'd be out all day…Just sightseeing…Oh, I don't know how late I'll be out…" She sighed again and bit her lip; Edward wondered if she realized when she did that. "I know we're leaving tomorrow, no I – ok, I'll talk to you later." She hung up.

Edward could feel anger like a rock in his stomach; he unclenched his jaw when she slumped back down against the tree. He flexed his fingers and she smiled halfway at him. "He just worries, you know."

Edward inched closer and took her phone out of her hands, putting it on the grass. "I know it sounds cliché, but you don't have to put up with that." The look on her face told her she'd heard that before.

"I know," she released a breath. "I'm breaking up with him when we get back to New York. I tried to once before, but I was touring and by the time I was finished, he'd convinced me it was a mistake to leave him. I'm stupid, I know."

He took her hand, moving his thumb over the top, "you're not stupid." He looked down at their hands. He took a deep breath and mumbled, "I'm stupid." Edward pulled her face to his with his free hand, pressing his mouth to hers. She tasted like strawberries. He felt her linger there on the border between rational thought and pure sensation; he traced her bottom lip with his tongue hoping to sway her thinking. She fell into the kiss then and Edward filed that bit of information away for later. _Please, let there be a later._

It wasn't until Edward felt her shiver against the cold that had been inching closer all afternoon that he finally pulled away. He put his forehead to hers, holding the side of her neck with one hand, and laughed lightly to himself. She pulled back to look at him and he gave her a lopsided smile; she moved closer, curving her back into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'd give you my sweater, but I don't have anything underneath it."

"You should do it anyway," she blushed, speaking before she'd had time to edit her thoughts. She felt quiet laughter on her skin and then he kissed her shoulder where it met her neck.

He rubbed her arms to warm them and then stood, taking her with him. She turned and snuggled into his body, her face in his chest. "You smell like coffee," her voice was muffled by his sweater. He rested his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes, _let this be real._

All day Edward had looked for the woman with the blue coat, terrified that he'd see her, that she'd laugh and say, "you didn't really think I'd let you stay here, did you?" He was very aware that this could disappear at any second, leaving him with what? A world without Bella, a short glimpse into the life he took too long to go after.

"I should go," Bella pulled away then, the heat of her still present on his chest. She looked down at her hands.

"Don't go."

"I have to; I can't do this to Mike. I –"

"You're going _back_ –" he was very still, as if that would make her change her mind.

"No, no," she huffed a laugh and looked up at him, taking one of his hands. "I have to break up with him before …He at least deserves the truth."

"I'll go with you."

"That's ok, for all his talk, he's pretty harmless. It'll be ok; he'll probably just go back to New York as planned."

Edward inched closer, "does that mean you _won't_ be going back to New York as planned?" He couldn't hide the hope in his voice.

She sidled up to him the rest of the way, feeling his gaze like a touch. "I don't know." She answered honestly, if apologetically.

Edward leaned his head down and kissed her cheek, lingering there, "that's ok." His mouth hovered near hers, but he knew he wouldn't kiss her again until she felt it was right. Instead, he pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple, inhaling deeply, trying to create a memory of her scent. After a while, he let go; she seemed as reluctant as he was. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? I really think I should, you don't know how mad Mike may get and –"

"I need to do this myself. I don't want him to feel bombarded with everything and if you're there too…" She let her statement trail off. Edward thought she worried too much.

They said their goodbyes, Bella agreed to call him after she talked to Mike. After he walked Bella back to her car, Edward took his time walking leisurely down the street. He tried to remember everything about the day, the colors, the way Bella looked when the breeze swept her hair back. He saturated himself in it.

It wasn't until he started walking down his street that he saw her. She had the same coat and umbrella as before, her hair was styled the same way. He had an urge to both go to her and run for his apartment. Instead, he stood rooted to the ground, waiting. She approached him on the sidewalk, looking strangely benevolent. She stopped in front of him. "Things are going well, are you happy?" She paused, but didn't let him answer before continuing. "I'm glad. But you know this isn't your place." She paused again, holding his gaze; she raised her hand and brushed a strand of hair off his forehead. To Edward it felt almost motherly. She smiled gently as if she could see something that Edward didn't have to show for it to be true.

"Please, let me stay here," he could hear the pleading sound to his own voice, but it didn't surprise him.

He could see something in her eyes, but he didn't know what, it was like for a moment she wasn't there. "I'm almost finished here," she touched his hand again the same way she did at the cemetery.

"No, please," Edward took her hand in both of his, stepping forward. "I want to _stay_ here! You don't understand I _can't_ go back now! I can't be without her!" He could feel his voice taking a frantic edge. "I _love_ her, _soul_ crushing, life changing love, can't you _see_ that?"

The woman's expression didn't waver; she pulled her hand back. "I've said all I have to say here." She crossed the street before Edward could react, before he could even gather the strength to stop her. She moved into the park and out of his view, leaving Edward defeated, thinking about a future he'd never have.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Six

Edward hovered by the phone all evening. He knew very well that in a few hours he may be back in his normal life and he couldn't stand it. Pacing, phone in hand, all he could think about was what would happen tomorrow.

_I'll be alone again and people will be saying 'Bella was' instead of 'Bella is'. _

His soul hurt, that was the only way he could describe the pain that blossomed outward from his chest. Edward knew this was a possibility, but it was something he had refused to entertain. Now it was inevitable. Tomorrow she would be gone and it could not be fixed; he could not go back.

He felt his fear rising from his middle, blotting out the goodness from the day.

The phone rang, jarring him out of his pain.

"Bella?"

"Hey, I'm on my way over," her voice sounded thick from tears, stress.

"Are you driving?" He asked her, remembering the last time she planned to come over.

"Yeah, why?"

"Just wondering, do you remember how to get here?" Nothing. "...Bella?...Are you there?" His heart beat faster.

There was a knock on his door; he ran to open it. "You lived closer than I thought," she looked exhausted.

Edward dropped his phone and pulled her inside, closing the door and pushing her up against it. He put one arm around her middle and a hand behind her head. His kiss wasn't gentle; it was desperate and rough, it felt like a crash. He felt her body responding to him, her hands were in his hair as she pressed herself into him. Bella kept her body against his, but pulled her face back to study him, breathing hard. She ran a thumb across his left cheekbone and it took all of Edward's will power not to pull her face to his again. He wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she seemed to find it because a moment later she pulled him back. He grabbed her around the waist and lifted her; at the same time she wrapped her legs around him. Letting go of her with one hand, he used his hips to help hold her up while he pulled at the button of her pants. He pulled too hard though and the button flew off, spinning on the hard wood floor a few feet away. She didn't seem to care.

He let her go then and they fell with an audible thump onto the floor with her on top. They worked each other's clothes mostly off and then Edward flipped them over so he was above her. Before he moved inside her, he looked at her eyes. She watched him, his gaze soft; it shook something loose in her. They moved together then, slowly at first, and then faster until they couldn't hold back any longer. He kept his eyes on her face the entire time, only closing them for an instant when he came.

Afterward, as they lay on the floor next to each other, he finally spoke. "The location wasn't exactly what I'd planned," he ran his hand up and down her side slowly.

"It was perfect," she grinned sheepishly, "but can we move now? I'm freezing."

He laughed quietly at that and helped her out of the last of her clothes, which was counterproductive but she didn't argue, he took off her bra, which they didn't have time to take off before. He shook off his pants and underwear, which had only come down to his feet before. Edward stood up then, helping her, his eyes lingering. "Bedroom." He started to lead her away when she started laughing.

He turned, suddenly very self conscious, "what?" He watched her move closer and stand on tip-toe so they were almost level; she kissed him lightly.

"I was actually thinking the kitchen."

His expression went from curious to mischievous, "there is good too." She tilted her head and grinned crookedly. "Oh, you meant…" He turned a light shade of pink and Bella thought it was possibly the cutest thing she'd ever seen. He kneeled down and grabbed his sweater and pants, handing her the sweater, he slipped his pants on sans underwear, which did not go unnoticed by Bella. They were low slung, resting on his hips.

Edward led her into the kitchen; he pulled open the refrigerator and a few cabinets, trying to decide what to have. He didn't have much else besides breakfast foods for some reason. He took out croissants and some strawberries asking her if that was ok and apologizing for not getting groceries. She found a plate, put everything on it and sat it on the island. He took out some orange juice and glasses just to round everything out and sat beside her. They ate in companionable silence; he didn't even try to make excuses to touch her anymore. They sat close enough that her legs were between his; the proximity plus the strawberries were almost too much for Edward to bear.

Bella took a sip of her orange juice and a tiny drop fell, landing on her knee; it slipped down the inside of her leg and she reached for a napkin. Edward lifted her leg by the calf and leaned forward, sliding his tongue along the inside of her knee. He heard her gasp and continued a trail of kisses up her thigh. When he got to the hem, he nosed it upward most of the way before she stopped him. "Bedroom now?" Her eyes were heavy lidded and her face flushed. He grabbed her around the middle and lifted, carrying her into the bedroom.

Edward was determined not to fall asleep, but after having so little over the last couple of days, he felt sleep pull at him like an anchor. _Just a little while longer. _He focused on asking Bella questions, memorizing the answers.

"If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?" She asked, resting her head on his shoulder.

He ran his fingertips up and down her back, he knew exactly what he wanted to say, but there was no way he could. "I guess it's not really one thing, but I'd be less afraid. It's never led to anything good in my life." He closed his eyes and kissed her head. He ran his fingers over her face, putting every detail into memory. _A little more time, I'm not ready to say goodbye._ His movements began to slow, his hand coming to rest on her arm.

"If you –" she began, then quieted, listening to his steady, deep breathing. She tilted her head up and pressed a light kiss on his jaw. Then she closed her eyes to join him.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: This is it; thanks to those of you that stayed with me until the end. It means a lot to me.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Seven

His cell phone's shrill ringing woke him up. He felt like he hadn't moved all night. As he answered the phone, the day before came back to him. Holding the phone to his ear, he sat up abruptly, looking for her.

"Uh, hello?"

"Yeah?" Edward said roughly into the phone. His breath came out in short gasps; he felt a cold sweat forming on his skin. For a moment, he thought this must be what a panic attack felt like. He got up and ran to the kitchen; there were no remains of the night before left in his apartment.

"Edward, I know you don't have your class 'til 11, but I'm gonna need you to fill in for Darrell. His kid is sick so he needs to stay with him… Edward?" He barely heard Christopher on the line. He was standing by his front door, remembering.

"Yeah, uh, I don't –"

"Thanks, he's got class the hour before yours in the room across from your lecture hall. Darrell has a quiz ready for them and they can leave when they're done. Thanks again, see you later." Christopher hung up before Edward could say anything. He looked at the phone for a moment as if it held all the answers.

He got down on his hands and knees on the cold floor, _the button._ He'd accidentally broken the button on her pants, if he could just find it, he could prove that it was real. He ran his hands under the couch; he got up and went to the living room, to the kitchen, back to the front door. It wasn't anywhere. Tears of frustration clouded his vision. "It happened, she was here," he said to himself. "She was _here_."

Edward showered, dressed, and went to the university, not that he could remember any of it. He walked to Bella's office suite; it contained the mail room, empty. He picked up the quiz out of Darrell's box. Walked to the first floor classroom.

The students were already waiting, doing their last minute studying. "Here's your quiz, put your stuff on the floor. You can leave when you're done," he said on autopilot. He split the pile of papers in half and handed one to each side of the room to pass back. He sat at the desk silently until students slowly filtered up to the front to hand in their papers.

Edward was afraid to think, that if he let his mind go he might never be the same. He sat at the desk stoically, waiting for the last of the students to finish. Once everyone was gone, he stuck the papers into his bag and walked across the hall to his own classroom. He could feel her creeping in although he tried to hold all but the most basic thinking at bay. Edward sat in the big, empty lecture hall; he was about thirty minutes early. _Bella. _He squeezed his eyes shut, as if he was hiding from the thoughts, from the misery that came with them. He opened his bag, pulled out the book his students were working on, trying to come up with a lesson plan that didn't require too much of his attention. _It was real, she was there._ He put on his reading glasses, opened the book. He'd read it twice before, but it would give him enough of a distraction. _She was with me._ He slammed the book shut and put his head in his hands; closing his eyes.

He was about to take off his glasses and walk out when he heard the door open. "Edward?"

He knew that voice.

Edward pulled off his glasses and dropped them onto the desk. He watched the door open, watched her walk in. She smiled and approached his desk, standing on the opposite side as Edward. "Hi. Do you have a minute?" She asked.

He pushed back out of his chair so fast it toppled over; he ran around to her side of the desk and threw his arms around her, pinning her arms at her side. She said nothing as he buried his face in her hair, breathing hard. Finally, he pulled back to take her face in his hands. "Bella," was all he could think of to say. He covered her mouth with his.

Edward opened his eyes; he was still alone in the empty classroom. He rubbed his hands over his face; he was about to get up and leave when a group of his students came in. They glanced his way in greeting before going to their seats. He pulled out some papers and pretended to be working until the room was full.

If you were to ask him what he did in class that day, he couldn't tell you. Everything took on a muffled, weighted down feeling. Like he was under water. After class, he gathered his things and went back home. He had work to do at the university, but it could wait.

He lay down on the couch, willing himself to sleep; hoping that when he woke up he would be with her again.

The phone woke him up for the second time that day. He debated not answering, but then picked it up out of some strange aptitude for politeness. He said a tired "hello" into the receiver.

"Edward, did I wake you?"

Edward would recognize that voice anywhere.

He stood up so fast he was dizzy; he looked around like she might appear in front of him.

"Edward?" She asked again.

"I'm here!" He didn't mean to shout.

"I wanted to talk to you today, but you must have left early or something. I got your number off the school directory thing, I hope you don't mind," she paused and he could hear noise in the background. "I wanted to tell you, I finished it!" He could hear the excitement in her voice, he could hear the static rising in his own mind; he didn't know what was going on. "Edward? My book? I finished it." She said thank you to someone off the phone.

"I…I'm so happy for you," he said it like a question. "Uh, I uh, have a stupid question," he paused, "what's the date?"

"The 24th, yeah I noticed that too, it took 5 months almost to the day longer than I thought it would." She waited for him to say something, when he didn't she continued, "so, I was wondering if maybe you'd take a look at it?"

"Uh, yeah." _We're back at the beginning. She's still here. It's the 24__th__…_ "Bella, where are you?" Edward could hear the dread in his voice as he spoke.

"I'm downtown, I need to run to the post office really quick and then I was hoping we could meet up somewhere. Sorry this is all last minute, I just couldn't wait to tell you." She sounded so happy.

Edward was already out the door.

"Are you walking?" Now she could feel his urgency too; she said she was and Edward quickened his pace. He lived close enough to downtown that he didn't need his car; it would take longer with it than without it. "Ok, listen; I know how this sounds, but stay right where you are, alright? I'll meet you now."

"Um, I'm in line at the post office now, so I'll be a few. Want to meet at the coffee place over here? I think it's right across the street –"

"Just stay _there_! I'll come get you –"

"Wait, I'm sorry I didn't hear you, I have to get off the phone now. Did you know this place doesn't let you talk on the phone inside anymore? I'll meet you over there in a few, ok? Bye."

"_Bella, no _-" she had already hung up.

Edward was running. He flew past people on the street that looked at him like he was crazy. He mentally cursed himself for not being there, as if he could have divined what would happen when he woke up that morning. _I should have figured it out. I should be able to protect her. _

_Please don't take her away from me again._

He ran faster, he was almost to the post office. He could see inside the big glass front, but he didn't see her. He went inside, trying to slow his stride, checking every face for hers. She wasn't there.

Edward spun, running outside to the angry murmurs of the passersby. He looked at everyone, trying to find her. "_Bella!_" He yelled for her, willing her to hear him. Then he saw her. She was crossing the street, walking toward the coffee shop. She didn't seem to hear him.

You know how they say accidents happen in slow motion? Well they're half right. You _move_ in slow motion, everything else happens too fast. Something caught his attention on the right, he turned and saw the car. It weaved in and out of the wrong lane, catching someone's mirror. A woman had to jump out of the way, screaming obscenities at the driver. He was driving too fast. Bella was already a couple of yards off the curb, directly in the car's path.

_Don't do this to me._

_Let me save her._

In an instant, Edward was in the street. People in the crowd yelled to him, told him to get out of the way; he didn't care. It was as if the street had suddenly widened, or maybe his legs had turned to cement, whatever it was, he felt like he wasn't going to make it. He saw her face then as she saw the car, she was frozen in place. He would swear he could hear her heart pounding.

Edward jumped, barreling into her body as the car came crashing into them. He heard the crunch of metal, felt himself crack the windshield. And then he couldn't feel anything.

Someone was touching him. The hand was warm, gentle as if from years of practice. Edward raised his eyelids halfway; his breathing stopped. It was the woman from the cemetery. She looked at him, softness in her gaze. "You'll be alright now." She tilted her head and smiled kindly, then walked out through the curtained partition.

"Are you awake?" Bella's voice sounded like a song. Edward wasn't sure if he'd fallen asleep, but when he opened his eyes she was there, brushing his hair back from his face. Edward stared at her, not totally believing she was there. "The doctor said you're fine, they want to keep you for a little while for observation, but you can probably come home tonight." Her face looked tight with worry, despite what she said.

"Bella," he reached a hand out and touched her face. She smiled then, the stress draining from her features. "Are you ok?"

She laughed lightly, "am _I_ ok? Yeah, thanks to you." She leaned closer and Edward sat up slightly. He kept his hand on her face and brought her closer; she looked unsure, but moved willingly. He kissed her then, feather light; she really did taste like strawberries. He pulled back to gauge her reaction; she looked happy. "I'm just glad you're ok," she took his hand, her eyes watery. He pulled her hand to his mouth.

"I'm glad you are too," he whispered against it.

They were unaware of the woman outside, listening. She smiled to herself, another job well done. She walked off silently, giving the two their privacy.

_They'll be alright now._

end


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